Topic: Family drama - WWYD?
Going to try to type this fast while Little Miss is chilling with her brother!
Short background. My parents are divorced. My Dad lives 10 hours away and I see him (normally) twice a year. He is a minister, is remarried and has a 9 year old son. My Mom lives 4 hours away. I see her, on average, once a month or so. She works one day a week and is remarried, no other kids at home. My oldest sister lives 12 hours away, has 4 kids, plus a soon-to-be stepson and fiancee. I normally only see them once a year. My other older sis lives here, 5 minutes from me, with her partner, daughters and step-sons.
The situation: My Dad and his family, and my oldest sister (we'll call her K) and her family are coming for the week between Christmas and New Years. In that week, since my Dad is a pastor, he will be baptising Ivy. "K" is her godmother, and this is the only chance until next July that we will all be together. We're also doing our Christmas dinner then and all that fun stuff. My other sister "A" is also a godmother, and has been awesome since Ivy has been born, she comes over 3-4 times a week and cuddles the babe while I get stuff done, she drives me around when Tim is at work etc etc etc... basically, she's been here for us. Sounds great, right? Here is where it gets sticky.
The twist: "A" and our mother are not talking. Our mom is a holier-then-thou micro-managing control freak, and everything needs to be about her all the time. I accept this is who/how she is. "A" can not. She has cut our mom out of her life (and her kids) for over a year now. Mom is wanting to reconcile, "A" is "not interested right now" as it will take too much energy to try to work out their differences (or similarities, because honestly they are exactly the same).
The problem: I need to invite my Mom to her grandchilds baptism. If I do not, I will be on the top of the $hitlist, and will never live it down. Besides that, I don't have a problem with my Mom. But I need "A" there too. And I fear that if Mom comes, she will try to talk to "A", who in turn will be a snot to mom, which will cause mom to react, and the next thing you know it's world war 3... trust me, this is how my family works. Or maybe both will "play nice for my benefit", but I still fear it will be awkward and weird, strained and stressful.
So... what do I do? Invite Mom but ask her to leave "A" alone? Don't invite her and live with that guilt trip the rest of my life? Invite her and let nature take it's course? Invite her and flee the country till everything calms down? Ivy's baptism should be about her, which is turn is about Tim and I. Tim is no help, he is just as torn as I am.
Oh and to add one more twist... my parents do not get along either. They CAN make nice nice, but my mom tends to forget to and gets catty. Ironically my step-mom and step-dad get along just fine, and my dad is a blundering idiot (whom I adore!) who is completely oblivious to my moms snide remarks, making it weird for us kids, but not for him.
*sigh* The day of her Wiccan blessing is SO much easier... we show up, we hang out, we do our thing, we hug we eat happy happy. Makes me wonder why I follow my families traditions at all anymore ):