Topic: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

I figured I would start a thread outlining what I'm currently dealing with just in case a future NWCer needs the info. (If you're on the Princess Bailey FB page, don't mention this quite yet)

Kevin has asked to be removed from Baileys birth certificate as part of our divorce. Normally this is simple. You file a motion to disestablish paternity and they just remove the husband and add who the father is. What the issue is, is the state of AK may not let Kevin off of the birth certificate because they won't have anyone to get child support from...should I ever need it. It'll be interesting to see how it plays out. None of the attorneys up here have ever had this happen.

Cycle 6 was my lucky cycle! BFP!!!
EDD 12/13/2013
It's identical TWINS! They're GIRLS!
7/20/2013 Sweet Baby A lost her battle with IUGR.
8/26/2013 Feisty Baby B was born via emergency CSection 16 weeks premature

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

Wow, Shauna! First, I can't believe he asked this!  He was an active participant throughout the process and refers to himself as the daddy (at least until recently).  I am so angry at him right now!

Second, I am sorry your going through this.  Has a lawyer told you they will try and see what happens?

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TTC No. 2 since Aug. 2014; IVF #1 - Cxld; IVF #2 - BFN

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

He says he never actually bonded with Bailey. So everything he did was for show, to look like the doting father. I can tell you he wasn't. He would go see her just long enough to take a couple of pictures with her and then not see her for a week.

Yes my attorney is going to proceed with the motion and see what happens.

Cycle 6 was my lucky cycle! BFP!!!
EDD 12/13/2013
It's identical TWINS! They're GIRLS!
7/20/2013 Sweet Baby A lost her battle with IUGR.
8/26/2013 Feisty Baby B was born via emergency CSection 16 weeks premature

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

Omg I'm so sorry you're having to go through this! As if you haven't been through enough already. I'm so angry for you!

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Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

I would rather Bailey know she was made from a donor out of love than think she has a father who doesn't want to be part of her life.

Cycle 6 was my lucky cycle! BFP!!!
EDD 12/13/2013
It's identical TWINS! They're GIRLS!
7/20/2013 Sweet Baby A lost her battle with IUGR.
8/26/2013 Feisty Baby B was born via emergency CSection 16 weeks premature

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

oh, wow.  that's awful.  i'm so sorry you're going through that.

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

Damn what a poor decision on his part. I can see why going through this process makes sense to you. I wouldn't want to keep someone on the birth certificate who was exhibiting behavior not fit for human beings which is exactly what he's doing in my opinion. I secretly hope the judge gives him and his attorney a good chewing out before following through.

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

Wow...what a sad excuse for a man.

I hope it works. I know when I was a teen I tried to remove my step father (who adopted me) from my birth certificate because he was an abusive a-hole. The judge wouldn't allow it unless someone else was added...even though I was almost 17 I believe. I had someone who was willing to step forward to be added just to help me, but I withdrew my case because it would have been more cost/hassle and I didn't want that other person to have to go out of his way.

Jamie
Mommy to Twins plus One - donor 733
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Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

Oh Shauna, I am so sorry to read this, and even more disappointed that you and Bailey are going through this. I hope that the lawyers can find a way to remove him, and that you and Bailey continue on your journey to health and happiness. You have certainly been challenged beyond words in the past several months, and deserve much peace and joy.

Our sweet boy has arrived after TTC'ing for 4 years!

10

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

I am so, so sorry. I have to say after I read that he moved away, I have been totally disgusted by his posts like "Daddy misses you princess!" and this confirms what I suspected about him. How awful. What a sad excuse for a man.

It is an unusual case because he did willingly conceive her with you. I'm torn between hoping they'll remove him for her and your sake moving on and hoping they won't so he has to take care of the responsibility HE CHOSE of becoming a parent and pay child support. What an a-hole.

(sorry to be so negative, but I'm just so angry on your behalf!)

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Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

I'm angry about it too. There is an even more disgusting part...he wants off the birth certificate but is pushing me to guarantee him part of the settlement for Bailey losing her foot. Basically he wants nothing to do with her except for her money. The money that is owed to her to make sure she has prosthetics for the rest of her life and the money meant for me to be able to fly twice a year to see her foot specialist.

Cycle 6 was my lucky cycle! BFP!!!
EDD 12/13/2013
It's identical TWINS! They're GIRLS!
7/20/2013 Sweet Baby A lost her battle with IUGR.
8/26/2013 Feisty Baby B was born via emergency CSection 16 weeks premature

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

WOW, what?! That is disgusting. I hope you have a great attorney who can help you safeguard Bailey's money from that rotten scum of a person.

I sort of hope that he can't get off the birth certificate & he has to pay child support for her, but is denied visiting rights forever. I'm sure you don't want her to have to ever be in his presence & feel less than 100% wanted & loved. She is lucky to have such an incredible mom! I am sad for her & for you that her other parent turned out to be so disappointing.

...mischief makers...
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13

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

I can't imagine any court in the world would give him a dime of that money. He did not suffer any damages and no damages would be awarded to him. As you said, the money would be for your daughter. He is my least favorite person right now.

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Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

Um, sorry, but if he comes off the bc and doesn't pay child support, he should receive $0.00 from the settlement.  I am so sorry you are going thru this!

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c362/Jen727BF/183190fb-4512-4f04-a781-76af2d6d42b0_zpsrvzisual.jpg
TTC No. 2 since Aug. 2014; IVF #1 - Cxld; IVF #2 - BFN

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

I was wondering how all that was going. Without knowing all the details, I was very curious as to what kind of role he was going to take on. I hope you are able to just get him off the birth certificate and out of your lives for good. You and B deserve nothing but the best.

Mom to P (13), J (11), E (6), and Q (born December 2017)

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

Ugh, Shauna - just ditto, ditto, ditto what everyone else has said.

His behavior has been atrocious and I hope he gets off that birth certificate as he does not deserve to have anything to do with miss Bailey! Or you!

Good grief.  I am so sorry. I hope this is sorted with the lawyers quickly.

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Lucky Cycle 14: IVF!! Antagonist Cycle with Lupron Trigger

17 (edited by cassafras 2014-02-16 19:31:59)

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

Wow, I too have been following your's and Bailey's story on FB, and was less than impressed by his choice to move away from her, and yet 'misses' her so much.  I am now disgusted by what you have said here, and really annoyed that he has Bailey up as his profile pic on FB. 

I'm so glad Bailey has you for her Mama, who will protect her and fight for her.  How can he not realize that the settlement is for BAILEY.  It is her foot that was lost, and it is Bailey who will need that money to make sure she gets the best care possible.  How incredibly selfish of him.  And how could he not bond with her?  I know it might be different for women, but hell, I'M attached and I only know her through social media! 

Ugh, I'm glad this happened when she is too young to remember, and I am really sorry you have to go through this.  Good luck with the lawyer, and let us know how it goes.  This is actually a topic that (luckily) hasn't come up before on here that I am aware of.

18 (edited by sara291 2014-02-16 21:20:38)

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

I thought his commets were weird. He was randomly checking in on FB when he should have been checking in with you or the hospital. A random update on FB was just not right. I think it was the day of her surgery . . I kept thinking he should have flown back for that day not be checking in on FB.

I agree with Mel . . And think he should be required to be responsible. I think you can take him off though if you both agree.

19 (edited by blkbrd3 2014-02-16 21:54:27)

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

I'm sorry he didn't bond with his daughter. 

In my unsolicited opinion lack of bonding boils down to cowardice.  My niece was in the NICU for more than 3 months.  At first my brother, her father, was absolutely terrified to hold her and love her. He took the leap and risked having his entire world shattered when he fell in love her the first time they were able to do kangaroo care. 

I could almost taste his fear and pain when he watched her in her incubator. 

When it came down to it he had to stand up and be a parent or run away from everything for the rest of his life.  He choose to face it and love his daughter.  He's had no regrets.

The soon to be ex is a sorry excuse for a human in my opinion.

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

Thank you for the support ladies. There is obviously much much more to the situation, but I could go on for pages about his inadequacies and how he let down B and me.

Cycle 6 was my lucky cycle! BFP!!!
EDD 12/13/2013
It's identical TWINS! They're GIRLS!
7/20/2013 Sweet Baby A lost her battle with IUGR.
8/26/2013 Feisty Baby B was born via emergency CSection 16 weeks premature

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

wow this is incredible to me. I cant believe anyone would turn their back on that sweet baby.

Me (29) SMBC to beautiful boy (4) and TTC #2.

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

I'm sorry if I say the wrong thing at this difficult time, however, I would be so relieved if the man I was divorcing wanted off the birth certificate! I would never want to have to co-parent and all the challenges and dangers (for the child) that go along with it.

My most recent husband was put on the birth certificate because we were still legally married when I had the baby. To get him off, all we had to do was go down to child support enforcement and take a paternity test (we went together). His name was automatically taken off the birth certificate. Now, if he had signed an affidavit of paternity at the hospital, his name would not have been removed in this way. I hope things go smoothly for you and you can get this man out of you and your daughters life asap! GL!!!

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Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

No that is not the wrong thing to say. I do hope he can be removed from the birth certificate.

Cycle 6 was my lucky cycle! BFP!!!
EDD 12/13/2013
It's identical TWINS! They're GIRLS!
7/20/2013 Sweet Baby A lost her battle with IUGR.
8/26/2013 Feisty Baby B was born via emergency CSection 16 weeks premature

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

I'm so sorry you and Bailey girl are having to deal with that.
I don't know you all in person, only from what is said here and on Miss B's Facebook page, but I'm so angry because of the things he's said and done.
My heart goes out to you and B and I wish ya'll the very best.

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

This thread has completely broke my heart. I can't say anything that has not already been said .... I am shocked and disgusted with this excuse of a human being. As if it's not selfish enough to just want off the birth certificate to avoid child support, but to want a part of BAILEY'S settlement...!!????!!! I have no words for the level of disgust I feel toward this man. I try not to judge - I really do - but this one is so unfathomable to me ....

Shauna - is it possible to do as scifimom did with the paternity test? Are you able to show them paperwork and the contract stating you used an anonymous donor (therefore disproving Kevin's paternity) and it is agreed not to go after child support of a donor?

On a side note: I do not remember it being discussed on the FB page why Bailey lost her foot. If you have a settlement coming for her, does this mean it was due to some negligence somewhere?

Shauna - you and Bailey have all of my love and support!!!! I will be watching (here and on FB) to see how this turns out with getting him off the birth certificate ... and out of Bailey's life forever! sad

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

Very early on, about 10 days old, she had an arterial line in her leg go bad and she lost circulation to her leg. It all recovered except for the front half of her foot. It eventually rotted off (for lack of better terms).

Cycle 6 was my lucky cycle! BFP!!!
EDD 12/13/2013
It's identical TWINS! They're GIRLS!
7/20/2013 Sweet Baby A lost her battle with IUGR.
8/26/2013 Feisty Baby B was born via emergency CSection 16 weeks premature

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

Basically just ditto all of the above.  Wow.  I am so very angry for you and Bailey.  You both have even through so so much and this is the last thing either of you deserve.  I am torn between thinking "well yeah, get that jackass off her birth certificate and out of her life.  She deserves better!" And thinkin "oh hell no you don't....you chose to bring this child into the world, why should you be able to avoid your responsibilities?"  In the end though, I do think it will be for the best for Bailey just to have the one really awesome parent and nothing to do with that man. 

Like Scifimom said, I too would be relieved I think (once I got past the anger.) I chose to be a single mom and I can't fathom having to send my child off to weekends or summers, every other holiday, etc.  And having to share decision making with a man I couldn't live with? No thanks.  There ARE positives here.  HUGS to you both.

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

This post truly breaks my heart! I have been following Bailey's story from the start and cannot even fathom how Kevin could act like this. I am so sorry to hear that you and Bailey are going through this. I couldn't imagine if my husband ever having those feelings towards our children.. I am also torn on wanting to say "keep him on birth certificate and make his ass pay child support and help with medical expenses" but at the same time I couldn't imagine letting my child grow up with a "dad" that didn't feel 100% loved. It makes me very sad and angry that he is playing the great father on facebook when in all reality he is a piece of xxx. REALLY???? Thinking he is going to get part of the settlement for BAILEY? Its not going to be him that has to miss work taking her to physical therapy, getting her fitted for prostetics, flying to see specialists, and having to live the rest of their life maintaining it. Its you and Bailey.. Ugggg just sooooo discusted and I give you major props for not outing his ass on Facebook for the scum he is.. Obviously he cares about how he "looks" so how in the hell is it going to look when he magically doesn't have a daughter anymore? Is he going to play the card of "she's wasn't mine?" as in you cheated or something????

Big hugs to you and Bailey! You don't need him and your better of raising her by yourself and hopefully one day you find a real man that wants to step up to the plate and raise her as his own.

#3 Due 3/26/14 and IT'S A BOY

29

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

I was so sad when I read your post on FB with the statistics of marriages that don't survive a pregnancy loss or a long NICU stay.  I was surprised to see that your ex had left the state while the little princess was still in NICU.  But your entry here had me literally gasping in shock. 

Emotions aside, if he wants to be relieved of paternity, then if Bailey or parent(s) are awarded funds, he is due NOTHING. 

I'm back to shock again.

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Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

sorry I hardly come on anyone and I am sorry to hear about your one twin but happy to hear your "Bailey" is ok

First the settlement is your daughters not yours or his, so when it does get settled place it in a trust that can only be used for her care.  This why it ensures she gets the medical treatment or the start in life when whens older that she may need. Also by placing it in a trust it ensures that if anything should happen to you or him no one can touch that money as part of your assets.

2nd.  I am not on  your FB so haven't followed the store only what has been posted here... but my thought is I would make his but pay and located an attorney that would take his name off and you not worry about it

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

I hate that this is happening...what a scum bag!  I wouldn't let him get away with it though.  Money isn't everything, but it can help cushion and make life easier.  I would make him pay child support.  There is a way to get his rights terminated so he doesn't have visitation, but he would still be required to support her.  I would look into that...there is a time period with no contact that has to pass.  Even if you don't use it you can start a rainy day fund for her!

Re: Disestablishing paternity...and other fun

Oh my gosh Shauna... I am not on here much anymore... but I am so sorry you are going through this..>!  You have been through so much just trying to get your daughter healthy and now this.. it is just NOT right... I have to agree with katydid.. I would not let him get away without paying child support as long as you can terminate his parental rights.. that is the least he can do.  He went into this an a very active participant...  had it not been for his participation.. in doing the insem, Bailey wouldn't be here...  so he should absolutely pay child support... to help with needed expenses and make your life from here on out at least a little more comfortable...  Hugs to you. .YOu are such a strong woman and Bailey is so lucky to have you as a mom!

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