Topic: What would you do?
So my daughter Abbigail is going to be 8 months old in a couple of weeks and is growing into such a little character! She is so smart, is standing already and is trying to take a couple of steps! She is so funny. Both my husband and I are so grateful that we were able to have her. My husband had cancer as a child which made him infertile.
Since having her I had pretty bad problems with PPD and ended up seeing a doctor who put me on celexa, which helped immensely. When Abbigail was around 5 months old, with the doctors help, I weaned myself off of it. I still feel great and am not depressed at all.
Sorry about the bit of back story, but the point of this post is about my mother in law..... So her and my husband are pretty close and talk almost every day. Which I never had a problem with and still don't. I was close to her before I had Abbigail, but I now feel that I've kinda grown out of that closeness. I think that the PPD also played a part in that. (My immediate family lives in FL and all other family I have lives at least 2 hours away, so I don't have any of my family close by). Also because of ongoing medical issues, my husband is a stay at home Dad and is disabled. I work full time and to give my husband a break, my mother in law and father in law typically always take Abbigail for the weekends. (I work weekends a lot). I have had a lot of trouble with my mother in law telling us how to raise our daughter, asking if we make "sure to love her a lot," and asking us if we make sure to "change her diaper." Obviously we would never do anything to hurt her, and we certainly love her more then anything in the world! It is just insulting to me and my husbands abilities. I think that those type of comments are making me grow apart from her. My husband has noticed that we aren't as close and the other day asked me if everything was ok. I told him what I was feeling....like she doesn't think we are doing a good job, and he admitted too that he feels the same way, but just kinda sweeps it under the rug.
Now I was hanging out with her the other day and we were playing with Abbigail and talking. (When we ended up using a donor after, about a year of my husbands unsuccessful fertility treatments, both my mother in law and father in law were against us telling Abbigail about it when she gets old enough to understand. Their opinion was that she is ours and the fact that we used a donor shouldn't matter.) I have found out recently that my daughter has a couple of donor siblings and I've been kinda excited about it. I want Abbigail to know exactly where she came from, and of any donor brothers/sisters she has. I just feel that it is important, and if I was in that situation I would want to know. I was telling her about how I had found out that Abbi has some donor siblings ou there. She kinda made a face and said that she thought that it is "weird" and "gross." I responded that I thought it is important that Abbi knows that she has other family(maybe the wrong use of the word family, but what I meant is people who are biologically related to her) out there. She responds back with "those people are NOT family..." I was just so taken aback by it that I didn't know what to say after that. It just really hurt my feelings that she would feel that what we did was weird. I know that she loves Abbigail so much and is grateful to have a grandchild, but saying that made me feel bad for Abbigail. I've always known my in laws are pretty conservative, and we're both raised in VT, where I've found native people can be extremely close minded. My husband is certainly not like that.... I am Bi and he has always known and is supportive and loves me. I have kept that information to myself in regards to them though.
I guess my point in this post, is what would you all do. I don't want to put my huband in the middle, but I also don't think I should have to put up with that. I've talked to a couple of friends about it, but they all have children who were conceived by having plain old sex, so I don't really feel like they understand as much as some of you would. I want to keep her in my life for obvious reasons, but I've just been having a pretty hard time with things she says lately.
Wow, sorry for the book! Below are some recent Abbigail pictures.
Try #1 ICI 8/15 -BFN
Try #2 ICI & IUI 9/15 -BFP!
Abbigail Helen born 6/5/2016 7lb6oz