Topic: May the TTC Odds be Ever in Your Favor
My wife and I decided that we were ready to be parents in May of 2013. Being parents has always been on our agenda but last May we decided to start trying. We are both in our late twenties/ early 30s with life experience and a solid understanding of ourselves. She was in her first year as a post-doc with a flexible schedule and I was taking an extra year of school to complete my dissertation. We thought we could have some time home with our future baby and enjoy all of those little moments dreamed of by the parent versions of ourselves. While we are comfortable in our finances, we are by no means rich or well off (I mean, I am still a student and she is now paying off student loans). But, more than all of the logistics, we were mentally ready. Ready to experience the joys, frustrations, sadness, happiness, etc. that being a parent could bring. Ready to expand our love, share our love, and provide a life for a tiny human in this chaotic, scary, lovely world.
Our first challenge was figuring out why my cycles are irregular. I visited my primary care doctor, at the end of June, who ran some tests and figured out that my thyroid is functioning well, my kidney's are working, but my sugars were a bit high (interestingly she was not that concerned with my gyn health and did not do an exam since I had normal results the year prior with a different provider). She wanted to start medication but I was determined to stay medication free and proposed a plan to change my diet and exercise. At the time, I was interning 2 hours away from my home and eating many meals on the go. So even though I ate well at home, I was not eating that well most of the time. I was also a full-time student, doing a practicum, teaching undergrad, working on my dissertation and really had no time to work out. I took a good look at my life and decided to no longer be ruled by school. I began a running program, only ate meals we made at home, engaged in more stress management activities, and started going to bed at a decent hour. In July, I took provera to kick start my cycle, and by September I ran two 5k races, lost 20 pounds, got a regular period, and no longer had high sugar levels. I was bbt temping, peeing on every OPK stick I could find, and tracking cm.
October and November of 2013 the fertility signs aligned and we inseminated one vial each month, but our timing probably could have been a little better and both months ended in a BFN. In December, we ordered two vials to try and correct timing issues but the positive OPK was not followed by a thermal shift meaning I probably did not ovulate. My BFN came with a period that was light and short, so maybe more of a break through bleed than a real period. In Oct, Nov, and Dec first positive OPK occurred on CD 16. In January, I had some wet cm very early in the cycle (before I even start testing most months) so I decided to take an OPK and it was super positive on CD7. This meant we were unable to try in January and what seemed like a true period occurred 16 days after the positive OPK (like it has every other month).
I also started Vitex in January and noticed an increase in cm and higher BB temps that were now in the low to mid 97 range pre-ovualation to high 97 to low 98 range post-ovualtion instead of 95-96 range pre-ovualtion to low 97 post ovulation. In Feb, all of the fertility signs aligned again and we inseminated 12 and 29 hours after first positive OPK. FF confirmed ovulation the day after our late night insemination and we were feeling positive and hopeful that everything lined up well. I had also lost an additional 20 pounds and was hopeful that my health would help. But at 12dpo, I got a BFN and a new cycle began this morning. We are going to try again and March and I also made an appointment with an OB/GYN to see what is going on in there. While I am semi-fearful of doctors, I hope that we can get some answers/guidance to move forward.
Trying has not been a easy process, as it isn't for so many on these forums. I have been lurking on these pages, watching, waiting, learning, but fearful to jump in and share. I was not sure that I could provide hope, support, and excitement for others during times of my own misery and despair. I was not sure that I wanted the advice and opinions of others or that I really wanted to share my own journey that is at times filled with embarrassment, shame, self-loathing, and heartbreak. But most of all, joining the forum meant that I was in this for the long haul and that was scary because that meant I could have months to years of heartbreak.
I decided to start my train of hope to have a place to organize my thoughts, lay out the details of what I am doing, and provide additional data to anyone (lurker or active member) who may have a similar story to mine. I have learned that the women and occasional men on this forum are strong, supportive, and willing to provide any information they have to help others. I feel that I am now ready to share and join this forum with a happy heart.
To the active members who may be reading this: Thank you for unknowingly supporting me the last several months and thank you for sharing such intimate aspect of yourselves. Your strength, courage, and determination to carry on in the face of disappointment, loss, and heart ache show so much about your character and is inspirational to many.
And like I have been saying: May the TTC odds be ever in your favor.
TTC #2: since June 2016...