I think childcare/money to pay for childcare is the most stressful thing as a single mom. In fact it's probably the driving force keeping me from having #4.

I kind of have a mixed experience with family. My parents live about 30 minutes from here, and babysit for me a few days a week, but I have to pay them what I would pay my nanny. So, it doesn't really help financially, but gives me a backup. I will say though, that I just spent several days in the hospital unexpectedly and they both came, cared for my children, stayed to help once I was home and now have all three with them until Tuesday while I continue to recover. The last 1.5 weeks they have been amazing!

My work/daycare situation will be changing in January and I have a lot of anxiety surrounding it. I have a job with a very strict attendance policy and I CANNOT be out of work with sick kids. It won't work. So right now, I am trying to find someone as a back up, but it's not easy, after all who wants to watch another person's sick child sad

I haven't even started to think about the increased daycare costs this summer when the twins are out of school

Storkhunting wrote:

This is probably going to sound bad, but I would not allow opposite sexed siblings to share a room. We have all heard stories of children playing doctor or exploring their different parts. This doesn't just happen with children who are friends, ect. It also happens among siblings. Also forget puberty. Children are curious and frankly babies and children learn that it feels good to touch certian parts of their bodies early on. My mom works in a daycare and they have to be very careful because children have gotten naked and explored their bodies when not closely supervised. I just wouldn't want my children to do something that would make them feel shame later on that they might not have done if they had not been sharing a private area like a bedroom.

This is something I have thought about, but like others have said, if they want to, they will do this whether or not a room is shared and regardless of gender.

My twins still share a room. They will be 7 in February.

I anticipated that around 6 they would start to want their own private space and privacy in general. They each actually have their own room. I even spent a great deal of time and money this spring painting and redecorating each room to match their interests. I thought they would love it....but they still share a room. The twins both sleep in S's room. Once in a blue moon I see K in her bed, in her room but 99% of the time they are together. When they're ready, they have their own space, but for now I'm fine with them sharing their space. Heck...it allows me to maintain a guest room for the time being wink

54

(10 replies, posted in Pregnancy and Babies)

After trying to breastfeed the twins and never having enough of a supply, I was shocked when with M I had way too much! I breastfed M until he was about 22 months old and I fed another newborn from birth to one with all the additional milk I pumped. I casually knew the mom and I didn't have any special testing. There are facebook pages set up for all sorts of locations where moms donate to one another. Almost none of those women have any testing done.

The person who took my milk stated that she knew that I was breastfeeding my own child, and therefor felt comfortable feeding it to hers. But, like I said, she did casually know me and therefor knew I was a pretty responsible person  tongue

I conceived all mine at home too smile My stats are also in the BFP database

I would say that the most important thing is just knowing your body. Once you really start paying attention to all the little things, identifying when you ovulate, cycle length, LP, etc is much, much easier!

56

(14 replies, posted in Pregnancy and Babies)

Big HUGS to you.

I was so looking forward to losing my period while breastfeeding the twins. I was beyond upset when at 6 weeks post partum it made it's appearance, and then every 4 weeks after that.

If you plan on more kids, I will give you some hope. M was over 12 months old when it returned. At least I got some respite the second time around wink

57

(17 replies, posted in Pregnancy and Babies)

The twins were just about 4 when M was born. For me, the timing was perfect. They were semi-independent, able to dress and toilet themselves. They could fix simple snacks for themselves and help themselves to juice boxes in the fridge. All this came in very handy when I was tending to a newborn and breastfeeding. They were old enough to understand what it meant to have a baby in the house, and didn't seem to have any issues with adjusting.

As a single mom, all the above helped me to adjust to being a mom of one more without feeling overwhelmed or overworked. The independence also helped when we had to go shopping, with travel and other activities.

My mom had four children and she always said that the 4 year age gap was the best one for her.

58

(16 replies, posted in Pregnancy and Babies)

I think my experience has taught me just how much gender is a part of us when we are born.

I have boy/girl twins. They had all the same experiences, toys, exposures, activities and opportunities. S is very much a 'stereotypical' boy and K is very much a 'stereotypical' girl.  I have had many people tell me that it's amazing just how boy and girl they are despite they're identical upbringing.

Of course they each have characteristics that are unique to them and I'm sure that now that they are in the real world of school, tv and increased outside influence that they are more impacted by their environment. But overall I do think that the single different chromosome plays a huge part in who they are.

(and I totally wouldn't have answered this way before having the twins)

Yep. I was initially going to be a 'no food in the car' mom...but that didn't last long.

I lost 60 pounds, I was on Zofran around the clock and hospitalized three times all by the time I was 14 weeks with the twins. The rest of my pregnancy continued in this manner and was pretty much the most miserable 36 weeks of my life. When the twins were born at 36 weeks, they were 5.5lbs and 6.5lbs. Obviously they didn't suffer one bit from my misery. Our bodies are made to protect the baby. As long as everything else in the pregnancy is progressing normally, I wouldn't worry.

61

(11 replies, posted in Pregnancy and Babies)

If your doc isn't concerned, I wouldn't be either. When I delivered the twins I weighed 60lbs less than when I got pregnant. They were excellent weights for twins and had no health issues. Our bodies are designed to support the fetus and take what it needs.

62

(10 replies, posted in Pregnancy and Babies)

So sorry. Life can be so unfair.

63

(3 replies, posted in Pregnancy and Babies)

MRSA is everywhere. Just because your DW is a nurse doesn't mean she got it from her. Also, MRSA doesn't usually live in the oral cavity, so contraction from oral sex is unlikely.

I'm sorry about it putting a damper on your pregnancy/delivery. Hospitals are very cautious when it comes to MRSA and not allowing cross contamination.

It's a good idea to treat the family. My son has had a chronic MRSA infection to his skin for over 6 months. Not to be gross, but his wounds ooze and often have to be drained. I am also a nurse, but I've never had any troubles and my pediatrician isn't convinced I was the source. Virtually every public surface probably has some strain of MRSA on it at this point. Anyway, the whole family has had the nasal treatment, we use hot water for all clothes washing, all the kids get Hibiclens baths every other bath, and you can even add a small amount of bleach to bath water to help. Even after 6 months of dealing with this, no one else in the family has become infected. Your infection is pretty low risk for cross infection because your family members don't come into contact with your urine wink

Hopefully after your treatment you will swab negative and can put all this behind you. I would hate to have general anesthesia for a section, however I would also not take the chance of a MRSA infection to the spinal fluid.

Good luck!

64

(5 replies, posted in Pregnancy and Babies)

I wouldn't worry. If you are measuring 37 weeks and your OB isn't concerned, I wouldn't be either. OB's in general are over cautious. While I was overweight, I actually lost 60 pounds when pregnant with the twins. They always measured ok and were healthy per US so there was never a concern for them.

65

(5 replies, posted in Parenting and Life)

Like Cory said, it would only be concerning if it was a drastic change from where she had been.

K has been under the 10th percentile for weight...but she's been that way since birth. My ped never blinks an eye.

M was around the 75th percentile for weight at birth but by 18 months was down to the 20th. He was eating fine and had no other concerns. Now at almost 3 he is still in the 20th percentile for weight with no issues, so we aren't concerned at all.

66

(18 replies, posted in Pregnancy and Babies)

I like Grayson wink It's M's middle name

I don't have many suggestion. I tend to like pretty traditional names for boys. Sam, Zach, Max, Benjamin, Carter etc.

As far as Ashton, when growing up I only knew girls with that name so it's always sounded very feminine to me.

I will say I do agree on your 'no double sounds thing'. While it may be 'cute' while they're young, matching twin names drive me nuts.

67

(44 replies, posted in Pregnancy and Babies)

Congrats! My boys are the best of friends and it is awesome to watch. I hope you have the same!

Develop Caution???....I'm still waiting for that with my 6yo

Some kids just are more ambitious and physical than others. It looks like you have one of those wink

69

(4 replies, posted in Pregnancy and Babies)

It may be breakthrough, but my period started 6 weeks post partem with my twins too sad It's a cruel joke. I have rough cycles and one of the silver linings to pregnancy and breastfeeding was supposed to be no period. Grrrrr.

And, to give you hope, with M I didn't start again until he was 13 months old. I stopped BF'ing the twins though at 12 weeks.

70

(16 replies, posted in Pregnancy and Babies)

Some are luckier than others as far as relief of symptoms. For most, morning sickness usually declines around 12 weeks.

Ginger, Hard Candies, High Protein Snack before bed, Salty Foods, Sea Bands, Hypnosis, Unisom & Vitb12, Emetrol, Zofran, Meclizine, etc.

Good luck with finding some relief. It is a really sucky thing to have to deal with...believe me...I know!

S has received speech therapy since the age of three. He has just been renewed for another year through school. At three it was my responsibility to get him to therapy, unless he was in a daycare, which he wasn't. He also didn't qualify for headstart because his delay wasn't severe enough. He was placed on the waiting list, but a spot never opened up.

M has been receiving speech therapy since he was about 14 months. He will be three soon and I have a feeling he will score too high to continue with therapy. He does not receive any additional services either due to his delay.

I am so glad I was able to get M started so much sooner with therapy. Like I said, I believe he will score to high to continue at three. Three was the age S started and we are still getting therapy. Initially, M's delay was more significant than S's. I fully believe that the earlier intervention is what has helped M so much!

I am an Oncology Nurse. I have been doing this for 12 years. I am half way in administration and half a floor RN. I enjoy the admin part, but I don't want a full time job in it because of all the added responsibilities and stress. Once the kids are a little older I may re-think that. I am lucky that I have some flexibility with my hours and schedule and for the most part I've been flex my hours depending on the kids needs.

Since the twins were born, I mostly only work part time hours, but now that everyone is getting older I am slowly getting back into full time status.

If I won the lottery, I wouldn't quit...but I definitely wouldn't work as much. As much as I love my job, I would rather be home.

I had a VBAC with M. I did feel more bonded with M at birth because I held him and BF him right away. With the twins I didn't hold S until a few hours later and K even more than that because she had some initial resp distress. I personally don't think the bonding had to do with the manner of birth, but rather the time spent between delivery and holding my babies.

I also think there was more knowledge of the process with M. With the twins, they were my first, and twins, so I didn't know what to expect or how things would be. Even though M's birth was via VBAC, I wasn't nearly as stressed or filled with the unknown and I think that also lead to feeling more bonded.

Twins in pack n play for about 2 months, then in separate cribs. They have always shared a room until very recently.

I always said I wanted 4 or 5. But the reality is, I am a SMBC and financially there is no way I can swing 5. I am still in the fence about number 4. I REALLY want another girl, but as we know there are no guarantees with that wink

I am 32 and for me, coming to the end of my window. I do not want to be pregnant after 35 so that leaves about 2 years to make up my mind. Honestly, my wish would be for someone to just show up with a baby girl for me to take, but since that so rarely occurs, I'm not holding my breath.

There is a free PBS app that allows kids to play shows. Max loves watching PBS on the iPad and Super Why is his favorite. Between that and the Starfall app max already shows letter recognition and several letter sounds.

Twins - 3rd Cycle
M - 2nd Cycle

78

(19 replies, posted in Parenting and Life)

Girls can get it as early as age 9 so I have a few more years to research it. Right now, I am leaning towards NOT giving it.

This vaccine has many political connections and came out of no where to a vaccine that was mandated in several states. I have heard many concerning things regarding the vaccine and I need to do much more research on my own before I make a final decision.

And, just so you know, I have been a cancer nurse for over 12 years and I fully vaccinate my children.

We have always used the term donor. When the twins were younger they would usually just say that they didn't have a dad - very matter of fact - but now that they're a bit older they ask more questions about what a donor is.

Tonight actually K asked me how I got the donor's sperm. I told her it came in the mail and then she asked what I did with it. She initially asked if I drank it - LOL. I have told them the story before and S yelled at her "No! Mom put it in her vagina!" Sometimes I am in awe of the conversations that occur in this house, but it's real life wink

And in response to the questions when we're out like "She must get her blond hair from her dad" you can always say, and appreciate the response with - "I don't know....I've never met him"

Far too many. I am in the same camp as Kari - I don't completely trust that they're safe - but with my first pregnancy being twins and my second pregnancy with a mis-attached umbilical cord and partial placenta previa I ended up with far more than I ever wanted.

This was posted in another mom site. I thought this was pretty funny - smile

Jamie and Jeffs Birth Plan.

BY Paul William Davies

Dear Hospital Staff:

Thank you and congratulations for being on shift for the birth of our child. The following sets forth our wishes for our stay. If a medical emergency requires you to deviate from this plan, please refer to Jamie and Jeffs Emergency Birth Plan. (Tab J) Please note: Jamie is RH Negative and BPA-free.

Philosophy:

While we do not have a traditional philosophy of childbirth, we have been heavily influenced by orthodox Wholefoodism and the (d)well baby/good design movement. We believe strongly in the power of the female body and a long-term night nurse. We are opposed to torture/gluten. In the event you are ever unsure how to proceed today, please ask yourself, What Would Gwyneth Do?

Environment:

We would like mood lighting, like on Virgin America.

The following people, who were with us at conception, will again be in the room with us today: Jeffs mom; Jeffs sister; Jeffs sisters friend, Melanie (plus 2); Jeff Koons.

Please provide WiFi so we can check what you say against Wikipedia and our favorite mom blogs.

Music is very important to us, as music was playing in the Mongolian yurt when we first made love.

In lieu of a traditional hospital gown, Jamie would prefer to be dressed like Zooey Deschanel in 500 Days of Summer.

Please avoid any use of the words pulsate, soiled, or octo in the delivery room.

Prep:

Jamie would prefer no enema or shaving of pubic hair. If shaving is necessary, she would prefer something in the shape of a vuvuzela. Jeffs pubic hair should NOT be shaved.

Jeff would like an IV.

Labor:

Please generally avoid procedures that are totally unnecessary or excruciatingly painful.

Jamie would like Jeff to do the pushing whenever possible.

We have chosen a Doctor (Mr. Cooper) because he shares our desire for a natural, low-intervention birth. Mr. Cooper will deliver the baby via Skype from his home in Taos.

If Jamie starts to sob uncontrollably during labor, please turn off The Notebook. In the event the crying continues, please administer the following drugs to Jeff (per Mr. Cooper): Darvocet, Diamorphine, Vicodin, Medical Marijuana.

If induction is necessary, Jamie would like to try the following before Pitocin is administered: walking, stretching, flipping over, rolfing, online browsing, nipple stimulation and/or sexual intercourse.

Nipple stimulation should be done by the resident Jamie met on the tour who looks like Benjamin Bratt.

Delivery:

We strongly prefer a girl.

If you have not already done so, please now take a few minutes and read *Early Admission: How to Deliver an Ivy League Baby*!

Jeff will remain in the squatting position throughout delivery.

When the crown of the head appears, please turn down the music as Jeff will be reading aloud from Be Here Now by Ram Dass.

Please, no texting while suctioning.

Jamie would like a mirror so that she can see the horrible expression on her face if its a boy.

IMPORTANT: if the baby appears to be black, please immediately escort Jeff out of the room and bring in Jeremy Rayburn from the 5th Floor waiting area.

In the event of a Cesarean, please practice Western medicine.

Post-Birth:

We are interested in the following preschools: St. James, The Schoolhouse at Cedar Point, or Kidsplace. Willow Glen is ONLY a backup.

Jamie would like Jeff circumcised.

Please do not cut the cord until we are through the toddler years.

We would like the baby certified organic by Oregon Tilth.

Please dont put the baby on a scale, as we dont want her to have the same body image issues as her fat mom.

We would like to donate the placenta to the people of the Gulf Coast.

We ask that the baby be bathed in our presence, in the delivery room, in San Pellegrino.

Per Mr. Cooper, do not feed the baby mussels.

Per Gisele Bundchen, do not give the baby a bottle (i.e. chemicals) for at least 6 months.

If the baby must be taken from the room because of a medical emergency, we would like Jeff to accompany the child. (In this scenario, Benjamin Bratt would stay with Jamie. Please maintain mood lighting and insert the CD in Jamies handbag labeled, WHEN JEFF LEAVES.)

We will not be vaccinating our baby. Please vaccinate all other babies on this floor.

Namaste,
Jeff and Jamie

The twins can play outside on their own, and have for about a year now. I live far off the road and they are good at staying near the house. I have windows in front and back and make sure I eyeball them every 10 minutes or so. Sometimes I let M play with the twins outside, but I keep a closer eye on them.

I have a back deck that has a playhouse, slide, chairs and other outside items. It is also gated in. So all the kids, from about 18 months are able to play there without direct supervision - ie I will be in the kitchen cooking or cleaning while they are outside. If the pool is out, this doesn't apply.

The kids are not allowed outside regardless if I am upstairs.

All three kids can lock/unlock and open the front and back doors. The back deck stays gated, so that's not a big deal, and I installed a very loud chime on the front door so regardless of where I'm in the house, I can hear if the front door gets opened.

The gated back deck has been a WONDERFUL thing for me. I have three children who want to be outside 24/7 and I hate the outdoors. Also, with my MS I am very sensitive to heat and I just can't be outside in the summer.

In our donor group of 15 kids (soon to be 16 smile ) there are 2 red heads. There was no mention of it in the donor profile. One red headed child has a red headed mother, the other does not.

When K was born her hair had a definite red tint to it, but it fell out and now it's just blond.

84

(13 replies, posted in Parenting and Life)

I only shop at one place. I know that's not for everyone, but I'm not going from place to place to finish my shopping. I go every Sunday morning during the summer, and when the twins are in school I would go Monday morning after dropping them off. Most the big grocery chains here are open very late - 1am or 24h.

85

(43 replies, posted in Parenting and Life)

S goes on his own with me standing outside the door. He is 6.

Around here many places say that once the child is 5 they can no longer go in the restroom/dressing room of the other gender. Many of these places have family rooms though so it isn't a huge issue.

I conceived the twins smile It wasn't in my mind at all and then all of a sudden it hit me smile

What a seven years it has been big_smile

I was 75% and 3cm for about two weeks before I was induced. Many have experiences like mine while others are 0% and 0cm to a baby within hours.

Genetics are a crazy thing.

I have green eyes, everyone else in my family has brown. I have black hair. I am 5'10" The donor has brown eyes and brown hair and is 6'6". I have a blue eyed, blond haired little girl who stays at the 50th percentile for height. I believe she is every recessive gene between the two of us. wink

89

(10 replies, posted in Pregnancy and Babies)

I have never heard of any dog named Mika wink

I love the name Bailey but when I was growing up everyone had a dog named Bailey and I couldn't shake the connection so I wasn't able to use it.

Interestingly enough though, for the last few years the number one dog name has been Max hmm

I did something similar to learn letters. I took pictures of the twins to represent each letter of the alphabet and then made a scrapbook. Some letters had multiple pictures and stickers. The twins loved going through it and seeing themselves in it. M uses it now. Although it's not pictures of him, he still likes looking smile

I think it's crazy that doctors base a due date on baby's size. We all know that babies come in all shapes and sizes and not everyone grows at the same speed. With the twins I knew the exact moment I ovulated and with M I knew it was within a 48h window. With the twins I told the doctor my due date, and with M they used my LMP.

Whenever I had US with the twins K always measured a days behind, one time I think even a week behind. Was she conceived a week behind S...no! And still to this day she remains about 10 pounds lighter and 3 inches shorter.

Okay...rant over wink

92

(11 replies, posted in Pregnancy and Babies)

mel wrote:

oh yeah! Not sure if she used NW. She was always very, very quiet with any info.

She was wasn't she wink I believe it was twins with a NW donor, quads with another bank and a surprise singleton with her husband.

***nevermind just searched. Her quads were from NW bank***

Congrats Jekla. I can't imagine. Mel's advice sounds good to me. Hopefully you'll stick around so we can get updates.

Yep, I was bigger with M than I was with the twins wink

I would remain cautious. A doubling rate of 92h isn't ideal but there are possible explanations for it. Good luck with tomorrows draw.

Well, kind of. S's is a point and my next (by two minutes) was a girl. Her's is straight though and M is most certainly a boy.

With the twins I was like you. Made sure inwasnhome during naps and in time for bedtime. We were pretty routined and all my plans revolved around their schedule. With M I couldn't do that. I had the twins extra cirricular stuff, school schedules and other things that made a strict routine impossible. I wore M and he napped on the go and never really had a set schedule and all three of my kids are just fine wink

So what I guess I am saying is either way is  fine. Go with what you want and what you feel your child needs. Everyone parents a little differently and as long as you are confident with your choices there is no reason to let others make you question or feel guilty for your choices.

I have a friend with a three year old whose first beta was 7. She used IVF so her dates were certain, just a low starting number. I hope your next beta shows a nice doubling.

98

(28 replies, posted in Pregnancy and Babies)

I think of a girl too hmm although not too sure why. I think it's because for me, a 'different' name tends to always sound more feminine to me. I like different names for girls, but for a boy I like the standard, more traditional names so that there is no confusion.

99

(48 replies, posted in Trying to Conceive)

It's definitely not easy to lose weight. There are many studies and research to suggest there are genetic as well as biological and emotional factors that cannot be overcome. I have been overweight my entire life and it is as much an emotional/mental disorder as is physical. I had lost a ton of weight but unfortunately gained most of it back after my diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. Now do I make unwise choices - absolutely - and am I too tired most of the time to even attempt exercise - yep - but even under the best of circumstances, weight loss does not come easily to me. I seem to have to fight twice as hard as many others to see the same result. I also want to say that my kids do eat healthy. I can use myself as an example to them of why they need to make better choices. I would not wish this on my children AT ALL so in many ways I'm more picky and observant of these things than a non-obese parent.

Now, as far as fertility, my weight did not seem to effect it one bit. I am in the 'morbid obesity' range. I got pregnant on the third try with the twins and second with M. I did all my insems at home with no doctor involvement. So for me, it definitely did not make a difference.

Good luck to everyone, thin or thick. If you can lose the weight, by all means do it, but if you can't, don't let that stop you trying for your dream.

mel wrote:

I started 3 years before I conceived. :-)

This smile