Topic: Do you ever feel like its just never going to happen for you?

That you are never going to get that BFP? Perhaps I'm being too negative, but as I come off try #6 and start contemplating IVF I'm starting to wonder if perhaps I'm wasting my money and I'm not meant to be a parent.  I guess it's compounded by the fact one of my closest friends announced she is expecting her 3rd, after she spent all her 20's telling me she didn't want children.  Its so easy for her, and here I am sinking every penny into drugs and doctors and i'm losing hope and money.

For those of you who have been there did you feel that way?  How did you maintain your hope?  I know that there are other women who have trying longer and done fqr more than I have, but it's really getting to me.  Especially as I want to move closer to my family but I can't until I get pregnant as they live overseas so I also feel stuck in a place I don't want to be.

Re: Do you ever feel like its just never going to happen for you?

Yes!  It took us 10 tries over almost 3 years.  I definitely felt like it was never going to happen, and IVF was never a consideration (as in, we would never have spent the money to try it).

Re: Do you ever feel like its just never going to happen for you?

Given the prices of an hsg and then injectable cycle ( especially given the less than stellar odds for women in my age group) IVF isn't that much more expensive, as I have no coverage for anything even remotely fertility related.

Did you do anything different between tries?

congrats on your long awaited BFP!

Re: Do you ever feel like its just never going to happen for you?

We certainly got extremely frustrated and downhearted with the process.  We both knew that we would be parents some way, some how... but did not think it would take so long.  Today is actually our 14th anniversary, and when we got together I told H that I wanted to wait 10 years to have kids.  Some times I wish we hadn't waited, maybe it would've made it faster.. but then again I'm glad for the way things have been. It took us 11 years together until we got pregnant and we passed our 12th anniversary just before E was born.  Now we're gearing up to try again and I certainly hope it doesn't take this long this time around. We may just pop kids out as fast as possible in the next few years, we'll have to wait and see.

When we got completely downhearted and discouraged we would take a break from trying and focus on us, or school, or work, or travel for a few months. Then we would go back at it with renewed hope. 

Good luck. I know it seems like forever, but once your baby is here you'll only faintly remember the struggle.

http://lb5f.lilypie.com/gEJJm4.png
http://lt3f.lilypie.com/iJqjm4.png

Re: Do you ever feel like its just never going to happen for you?

Yes, we are feeling that way now.  Beginning to wonder if it isn't in the plan for our lives.  At what point do we give up?  I feel very discouraged for awhile so we take a break for a few months, then keep trying.  I have the world's most fertile family, so I didn't except this at all. 
Keep up the faith.  There are so many on here who have been trying for years and it does eventually happen.  It could be us next.  smile

J & J in Alaska - trying to conceive since November 2009
4th TTC created our little one.  Miscarried at 10 wks 4 days on 12/1/10. Four more BFN cycles before getting progestrone high enough with cream.  Two more BFN cycles.  Took a break to lose 9 lbs.  Another three BFN's.  PCOS, inflammation of the bladder under control with diet changes and Elmiron.  Taking a break to get healthy.

Re: Do you ever feel like its just never going to happen for you?

YES!!  I can absolutely relate!  I have plenty of times when I am optimistic about getting pregnant, but many other times when I am so discouraged, I think it will never happen.  I will be 37 this coming January, and each month I don't try because I am saving up, or have other things come up that consume my financial resources, I feel guilty and panicked because i am wasting what could be one of my last chances!
My last try was in May, which was also my first medicated, Dr. assisted IUI, which didn't work.  Since then I have been pretty dejected and feeling betrayed by biology.  I know that I need to pull myself out of this depressive state and get back to working hard to earn and save extra baby money and be hopeful for success, but I struggle. 
I planned for my next IUI to be in September, but I had some emergency dental stuff come up this month, and even with insurance, it wiped out my baby fund.  I'm not sure when I'll be able to try again and it kills me. 
I feel like, as soon as I have my savings built up again, sperm purchased and waiting, and a solid plan in place, then my hope might return.
We'll see.
May hope soon return to all of us who are struggling to hold onto it!

Re: Do you ever feel like its just never going to happen for you?

Oh man, I can relate too...I keep thinking if I do this one thing more different it will work...ok tried that let's try this now...I just can't seem to give up. It seems every minute of my day and every penny I can scrape together has gone into TTC...I hope you are able to keep trying and get your wish soon!

Re: Do you ever feel like its just never going to happen for you?

I've felt that way. It look me 4 years and 37 cycles in those 4 years. I now have a 2 year old. Hang in there.

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8262/8688290472_8f0eb25fa6_z.jpg
http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;35;33/st/20100414/n/Sydnee+Marie/dt/-3/k/8cf0/age.png
http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3733/9346155527_f7f126c056.jpg
http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;10600;31/st/20130604/n/Luca/dt/-3/k/b83f/age.png
BFP- 8/9/09 at 10DPO, after 4 years TTC. Sydnee born on April 14th 2010. BFP #2 at 11DPO 9/29/12. Due 6/11/13

Re: Do you ever feel like its just never going to happen for you?

YES.....   Life is just not fair.  We want to have a baby so bad and we pray and have positive energy and NOTHING.....     Why can't we just all flip a switch and we can all be pregnant at the same time.  What more are we suppose to do? What are we suppose to tell our body to make it work right? Time is running out and I just want to have my dream come true.

July 2011 BFP, miscarried at 5 weeks.
http://lagf.lilypie.com/aW7Dm4.png

Re: Do you ever feel like its just never going to happen for you?

LovingMoms wrote:

YES.....   Life is just not fair.  We want to have a baby so bad and we pray and have positive energy and NOTHING.....     Why can't we just all flip a switch and we can all be pregnant at the same time.  What more are we suppose to do? What are we suppose to tell our body to make it work right? Time is running out and I just want to have my dream come true.

I get panicked about time running out as well.  And similar to JCAlaska's post I just wish I knew when to give up.  the fact that it's all unknown is what I find so difficult.

11 Last edited by preciousgift (2012-07-30 06:20:21)

Re: Do you ever feel like its just never going to happen for you?

I feel very panicked at time running out.. even thought most people think I look like I am in my late 20's, early thirties,,, I am 39....  And I feel so much pressure to have this work right away. I have only tried 3 times (total- in my life) to actually get pregnant.  I was recently in a 4 1/2 year relationship with a guy... and things were just very difficult with him (with his issues that he was never willing to address) and I let that relationship distract me.. I should have broken up with him years ago and just tried on my own like I am now.

I know this sounds silly but before going on these boards I didn't REALLY realize how crucial age is....  I was acting like I had forever to try for a baby.  I guess I was thinking.. well my cousin had her first at 42 or 43 and so I figured I still had time. I SO wish that I didn't wait this long.  In all the relationships I had been in over the years... and been on birth control most of that time.  I could KICK myself now for doing that... Even if the relationship didn't work out, if I hadn't been on birth control.. I am sure I would have had a few kids by now.. uhhhh... if I only knew then what I know now.

And, Lucey goosey.. I know how you feel.  I am ONLY ONLY ONLY staying in my current job which is managing a very very small motel where I live on site (which is why I can be on this board a lot smile ) b/c of trying for a baby.. My schedule is pretty flexible b/c I am my own boss... not the owner/ just manager. And, you would think as a manager I 'd be making good money.. NO>>>  HORRIBLE pay... and I do mean horrible. BUT, the money I have managed to scrape together for ttc is worth it to me.   

I look at it like this .. if I do get pregnant (whennnnn...) I will be able to work and have baby with me all day = no daycare.. and then when baby is old enough for school...I will quit this job so fast.. and get one I am actually making a decent wage where I am not worried about scraping by.  Ttc is the ONLY reason I am staying at this job...

So, luceygoosey... I totally relate to your post about waiting on ttc to move...

Good luck to all of us....baby dust..

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       ........................... smile  Trying again soon  smile..................................

Re: Do you ever feel like its just never going to happen for you?

I feel ya. especially when try 11 failed.  hmm

Re: Do you ever feel like its just never going to happen for you?

I haven't even tried my first AI, yet I know exactly how you (all) feel. I'm near tears here because, although I have these 3 great, wonderful, funny, kind, etc girls, it's still not the same. I want/almost need this to happen. And soon. I'm 40 yrs 3 mths and can't believe I'm just starting this. Dummy.

I've been Mom for 12 years to:
Amber-21, Mercedes-18 and Genevieve-13

Re: Do you ever feel like its just never going to happen for you?

LucyGoosey wrote:

Given the prices of an hsg and then injectable cycle ( especially given the less than stellar odds for women in my age group) IVF isn't that much more expensive, as I have no coverage for anything even remotely fertility related.

Did you do anything different between tries?

congrats on your long awaited BFP!

Thanks.  I never did the HSG, although I *might* have if several IUI's at the doctor had not worked.  As it turned out, 2 out of 2 worked - the first was a chemical, but that made me pretty sure that my tubes were not blocked.  Plus, I read a study about the HSG test that called it the most over-prescribed test in Western medicine, because such a minute percentage of them come back with anything blocked.  Plus, I don't have a history of pelvic inflammatory disease or STD's.

Anyway, I was stubborn about not wanting to get pregnant in a doctor's office, so we tried 8 times at home.  We would try for a few times in a row and it would make me mental, so we would take a significant break where I never charted or temped or thought about anything related to my fertility.  Finally I felt like future me 10 years from now was going to be really mad at me right now at this age if I didn't get more aggressive, so I went to the RE.  It turns out that my cervix is almost impossible to navigate for an IUI, so we suspect the sperm was never getting where it was supposed to be in our prior attempts.  Definitely would have been MUCH less expensive to start at the doctor.  I'm 34, FWIW (I don't know your age), and was 31 when we started trying.  Also, I added it up and this pregnancy cost us around $7,000 out of pocket (we have no coverage either), so way less than IVF.

TTC was a miserable experience for me.  I never felt like myself, I felt obsessed and unhappy, it was really awful.  Towards the end, I felt like I had made peace and could be happy with any outcome - adoption, getting pregnant, or not.  I could think of pros for each scenario, and I think that made me calm down.  You have my warmest wishes for a swift and happy ending to your journey.

Re: Do you ever feel like its just never going to happen for you?

Sometimes taking a break helps. After 8 failed cycles I decided to take a long break because I was really stressed. Now I am emotionally ready to try again. Don't give up.

IT'S A BOY!
1st beta 456 at 15dpo
2nd beta 6000 at 22 dpo
http://lb1f.lilypie.com/NuNSm5.png

Re: Do you ever feel like its just never going to happen for you?

Yep! We only tried twice, actually, and then had some long, hard conversations. It's not important to us to have an infant or be biologically related to our kids (since we're 2 women, one of us wouldn't have been genetically related anyway). Last week we sent in an application to adopt from foster care.

Re: Do you ever feel like its just never going to happen for you?

We have been trying for 10 years to get pregnant! Does not seem its been that long when i look back. We have taken long breaks here and there. We are coming off a 3 year long break now and will start with donor soon. Not sure donor will even work for us i also have IF problems. But we shall see.