Topic: I need reassurance

Not going to lie, I need someone to pat me on the back and tell me that I'm over-reacting and everything will be ok.

This pregnancy is weird.  I have an anterior placenta, so I rarely feel baby moving unless I am laying really still and focusing on my belly.  Its growing, HB is normal, ultrasound showed nothing amiss.  I have never had a high risk pregnancy (besides HG in my second).  Logically, I know that statistically, everything in this fourth pregnancy is perfect.

BUT... there has been so much tragedy and loss around me lately, so much stress and emotional lows, that I am reading into every little thing negatively.  Yesterday I had "spotting".  As in, once when I pee'd there was one drop of pinkish red blood when I wiped.  Logically, I know I have a anterior LOW LAYING placenta, and 20 weeks is a common time for it to migrate, which can cause minor spotting.  I also had one streak of brownish blood later last night, nothing today.

Another:  Braxton hicks get worse with every pregnancy, and start earlier.  I KNOW this.  But my heart is filled with dread and fear every time my belly tightens.

And:  I have this "symptom" with every pregnancy.  Between 20 and 26ish weeks, I feel like I have been kicked in the box.  Its just the weight of the babe resting on my cervix until it gets big enough to rest more weight on my pelvic bone.  But I can't help picturing my cervix funnelling (it wasn't last week) and going into preterm labour.

I'm sure my mind is over working because of a few factors.  I have a friend who is extreme high risk.  We were pregnant with our first babies together, both boys, mine was fine, hers was still born early.  We were pregnant with our second babies together (same due date even, both girls).  Mine was fine, hers was born early and died at 3 months old.  Now we're pregnant together again, due a week apart, both boys.  I am so scared for her that I am projecting loss on myself.  Also, tragically, one of my very close friends lost her daughter last week.  She went to sleep in utero at 38 weeks on Mothers Day.  C was induced on the Monday and had her precious angel baby on Tuesday.  Yesterday was her memorial.  Nothing was wrong on the Friday before, Saturday I had been poking her belly telling her to come on out and play, she was full term now and we wanted to meet her, and Sunday she got wrapped in her own cord and strangled.  Another friends cousin had twins a month ago, one baby and mom almost died.  They are doing well now, but it was a rough start.  SO much loss, so much pain, so much sorrow... and I am freaking out about every little thing.

So please, I know in a public forum you can't ask for what you want to hear... but I just really need to hear that I am over-reacting and that Baby Boy is going to be just fine.

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Need to update a ticker, Silas Anthony Jordon born Oct 11, 2013.  6th baby, so much love!

Re: I need reassurance

I'm 19 weeks and 2 days and have been having awful anxiety about this baby so I know what you mean. I have the big ultrasound next week, and I'm so scared about something being wrong. I have no real reason to feel that way. I turned down all the tests at 12 weeks because I thought they would just make me anxious, and now here I am worrying about what if my baby has one of those things. Just craziness. I also had spotting last week. Everything was fine with the baby, but I still don't know why that happened. And the ER wouldn't let me see the ultrasound while they were doing it. I try to tell myself I had 6 ultrasounds between 6 weeks and 12 weeks and the baby was always right on track. I got a fetal Doppler last week. It has been so helpful. Worth the money for sure. Like you my baby isn't moving around that much. My dd was really busy in there by now. And I have the BH contractions too. Drove me crazy last time. I was just scared too death. Started this time at the exact same time. Told myself I'd just ignore them, but here i am worrying when they happen. So yeah I know what you mean. I haven't been surrounded by so much sadness as you have, but I know people it has happened to and it sits in the back of my mind at times. Pregnancy is scary, but we're half way there and chances are much much higher that things will be okay than things will not.

Re: I need reassurance

Oh, Goobie - you are all shaken up and with good reason.  You have a lot of loss around you right now.  We have been having life issues over here - not in the same regard, but pretty huge in their own way - and I'm just becoming a stress ball about the babies. 

Also, just after you wrote on here about your anterior placenta, I went to the doctor and got told I have two anterior placentas.  Silly babies, not putting their placentas where they should!! But, honestly, all I could think was -"well, Goobie has an anterior placenta and she's fine and strong about it, so so should you be, A."

Yes, I really do give myself little Alice in Wonderland style pep talks about people I barely know on Internet forums.  wink

So no, you can't ask us to tell you what you want to hear, but I can say that I feel very hopeful that little Jose will be the new center of attention at your house soon and all he'll have to worry about is Tiny stealing his toys.  You're a strong mama.  I know you don't control everything about your pregnancy, but you got this.

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Re: I need reassurance

I am so sorry you are going through this right now. Hang in there, take things slow and easy and keep picturing your sweet healthy baby in your arms.

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Re: I need reassurance

Thank you everyone.  In my head I know all is well.  I just can't shake this funk.  Only a little over a week till next MW appointment, and I know if I really start to freak I can call her anytime.

Is it silly I keep talking to him?  As in "hey little man, please shift, wiggle for me more,and don't try to come early, ok?  We love you, and can't wait to meet you, but not till after your brothers birthday " (which is at 38 weeks)

http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt125c22.aspx

Need to update a ticker, Silas Anthony Jordon born Oct 11, 2013.  6th baby, so much love!

Re: I need reassurance

Keep on talking! It isn't silly at all. I talk to mine already. I don't care if LO can't hear me, s/he can feel me. Feel my love. And I believe that fully. smile

Re: I need reassurance

You're gonna be just fine sweetie. You have a great track record to prove it! Must be hard to believe with everything going around you. Once you start thinking about one of those stories or about something ba happening, force yourself to STOP. Don't let your mind go and then go crazy with negative thinking. Stop the thoughts as soon as they start to trickle in. That's what I do and it really helps me. Hang in there!

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Re: I need reassurance

I think considering all that has been happening around you combined with pregnancy, it is totally normal to be a bit nervous and anxious! But really try to focus on the positives. Believe that all will be fine, visualize a healthy, full term baby boy in your arms several times a day....the whole Secret thing! Negative thoughts can bring negativity into your life so only allow positive! Be compassionate to others but do your best to surround yourself with good and limit time with people who are stressful.

Stay Happy!! You and baby boy are going to be FINE!!!

-Rebecca (Blessed mom of two beautiful, healthy girls)
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Re: I need reassurance

wanting to send you some peace for your spirit

also, I am friends (IRL) with 2 moms who lost babies to cord accidents - they are a great support & have a closed facebook group to extend support - if your friend would like to connect with them, please message me

hugs

Re: I need reassurance

Cripes, Goobie, you're going to give us all anxiety with stories like that! 38 weeks and baby died from her own cord? Holy awful pregnancy terror right there. Now I will be paranoid until the very end of DW's pregnancy when our baby is out safe & sound.

Jose will be fine, you have a fine track record of growing them strong and healthy! It's no wonder you're anxious though with all of the pregnancy loss around you. He'll be here before you know it (but not before he's supposed to). I can't believe you're already 20 weeks along! In the meantime, immerse yourself in stories of happy healthy pregnancies and births. http://birthwithoutfearblog.com/ is a great place for some of that joyful newborn wonder.

R's placenta was anterior too, so I never got all the drastic movements that some people talk about. But she was thoughtful - when I started to worry too much, she'd do what I can only describe as a kick to the vagina. I have no clue if that's what was really going on, but ouch, that was a nice way to let her presence be known.

...mischief makers...
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Re: I need reassurance

MNmommas wrote:

Cripes, Goobie, you're going to give us all anxiety with stories like that! 38 weeks and baby died from her own cord? Holy awful pregnancy terror right there. Now I will be paranoid until the very end of DW's pregnancy when our baby is out safe & sound.
.


I'm sorry, I didn't think to censor the horribleness, because that's what it was, a horrible, tragic, freak accident.  I didn't mean to freak you out!

I appreciate all the wonderful thing you are all saying.  Thank you so much!  This pregnancy has been a bad one for me for the weepies too, I feel like I am on the verge of crying over something all the time.  Oh, and I learned it is entirely possible to go through the grieving process for the same person more then once.  I take comfort thinking that maybe this little baby boy is getting to know his uncle really well before he comes to live with us, because since the day of conception my late brother has been on my mind ALL THE TIME, and I am right back to the mad, angry "its not fair" stage of grieving.  *sigh* tomorrow will be a better day!

http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt125c22.aspx

Need to update a ticker, Silas Anthony Jordon born Oct 11, 2013.  6th baby, so much love!

Re: I need reassurance

Sorry if that came off with the wrong tone - I was/am/will be paranoid regardless, I can't blame you for it. How terribly terribly sad for your friend, you, and all of her loved ones. I hope she has a strong support network. I don't know the story behind your brother's death, but I like that idea of our babies getting to know loved ones that have passed. It's nice to think that Jose is getting a chance to know his uncle.

Funny, I had the "tomorrow will be a better day" thought too. Nugget has a head plague and it's the 1st time we've had to deal with a congested baby who requires a steam bath just to be able to breathe enough to nurse. Forget about getting any sleep.

Here's to a better tomorrow! smile

...mischief makers...
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Re: I need reassurance

I had an anterior placenta also.  One week before she was born I was asking people if they thought she was OK because I never felt the painful jabs that others described...she came out kicking and screaming.  You've got this!  Jose will be just fine smile

Re: I need reassurance

No worries about tone, reading that made me realize I should have put a disclaimer on it though, not everyone wants to read that.  Sorry o hear about the head cold, sick babies are no fun for anyone sad

My brother died of a very rare brain cancer a little over 3 years ago.



MNmommas wrote:

Sorry if that came off with the wrong tone - I was/am/will be paranoid regardless, I can't blame you for it. How terribly terribly sad for your friend, you, and all of her loved ones. I hope she has a strong support network. I don't know the story behind your brother's death, but I like that idea of our babies getting to know loved ones that have passed. It's nice to think that Jose is getting a chance to know his uncle.

Funny, I had the "tomorrow will be a better day" thought too. Nugget has a head plague and it's the 1st time we've had to deal with a congested baby who requires a steam bath just to be able to breathe enough to nurse. Forget about getting any sleep.

Here's to a better tomorrow! smile

http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt125c22.aspx

Need to update a ticker, Silas Anthony Jordon born Oct 11, 2013.  6th baby, so much love!

Re: I need reassurance

Kicked in the box . Are u canidan

Some day my dreams will come true!

Re: I need reassurance

Dude, you are a baby making machine. Everything is going to be fine! I'm very sorry about your friend, though. sad

On another note, I'm also sorry that you're grieving again, but I choose to believe that that is because your brother is spending a lot of time with your baby. (By the way, autocorrect just tried to make "choose" into "Jose". How's that for a sign?) I already know that this is how my future pregnancy will be with the 2012 death of my dad. I hope you start feeling more positive soon.

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Re: I need reassurance

Hi dear, I quite understand how you feel but in all all this I will say try and be positive, try and cast the negative thoughts and feelings from your mind, be strong and it will be well. I had 6 mc before I ad my !st child, and with my 2nd child I had a rupture and was told not to try getting pregnant again. My second child is three by july and Im 13 weeks gone, I have had scary experiences since day 1 of this pregnancy, once I was advised to evacuate but after waiting for a week and checking gain, all was well. I have learnt that most situations in pregnancy we cannot do anything but leave in Gods hands but to help yourself and the baby stay positive, be happy, it will go a long way, try and get your mind away from the pregnancy to other things, it is well.

Goobie wrote:

Not going to lie, I need someone to pat me on the back and tell me that I'm over-reacting and everything will be ok.

This pregnancy is weird.  I have an anterior placenta, so I rarely feel baby moving unless I am laying really still and focusing on my belly.  Its growing, HB is normal, ultrasound showed nothing amiss.  I have never had a high risk pregnancy (besides HG in my second).  Logically, I know that statistically, everything in this fourth pregnancy is perfect.

BUT... there has been so much tragedy and loss around me lately, so much stress and emotional lows, that I am reading into every little thing negatively.  Yesterday I had "spotting".  As in, once when I pee'd there was one drop of pinkish red blood when I wiped.  Logically, I know I have a anterior LOW LAYING placenta, and 20 weeks is a common time for it to migrate, which can cause minor spotting.  I also had one streak of brownish blood later last night, nothing today.

Another:  Braxton hicks get worse with every pregnancy, and start earlier.  I KNOW this.  But my heart is filled with dread and fear every time my belly tightens.

And:  I have this "symptom" with every pregnancy.  Between 20 and 26ish weeks, I feel like I have been kicked in the box.  Its just the weight of the babe resting on my cervix until it gets big enough to rest more weight on my pelvic bone.  But I can't help picturing my cervix funnelling (it wasn't last week) and going into preterm labour.

I'm sure my mind is over working because of a few factors.  I have a friend who is extreme high risk.  We were pregnant with our first babies together, both boys, mine was fine, hers was still born early.  We were pregnant with our second babies together (same due date even, both girls).  Mine was fine, hers was born early and died at 3 months old.  Now we're pregnant together again, due a week apart, both boys.  I am so scared for her that I am projecting loss on myself.  Also, tragically, one of my very close friends lost her daughter last week.  She went to sleep in utero at 38 weeks on Mothers Day.  C was induced on the Monday and had her precious angel baby on Tuesday.  Yesterday was her memorial.  Nothing was wrong on the Friday before, Saturday I had been poking her belly telling her to come on out and play, she was full term now and we wanted to meet her, and Sunday she got wrapped in her own cord and strangled.  Another friends cousin had twins a month ago, one baby and mom almost died.  They are doing well now, but it was a rough start.  SO much loss, so much pain, so much sorrow... and I am freaking out about every little thing.

So please, I know in a public forum you can't ask for what you want to hear... but I just really need to hear that I am over-reacting and that Baby Boy is going to be just fine.

Re: I need reassurance

tyme2rise wrote:

Kicked in the box . Are u canidan


If you mean Canadian, yes I am.

Today I am making cake. So at least if this weekend does not find me peace, I will have cake.  I'm trying very hard to "breathe in the positive, breathe out the negative", I guess I'm just stuck in a funk right now.  This too shall pass....

http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt125c22.aspx

Need to update a ticker, Silas Anthony Jordon born Oct 11, 2013.  6th baby, so much love!

19

Re: I need reassurance

You're going to be fine!  It's okay to panic when you see things going wrong for those you love and it's okay to feel sad.  But give yourself a time limit. And then look at your beautiful children and know that things will be okay.  They ARE okay now.  You just need to take a deep breath and let yourself relax into knowing they'll stay that way. 

Think of some funny things.  Like ... baby's nickname José lasting through college and wondering whatever happened to the name choices that you and Tim originally agonized over!

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Re: I need reassurance

I understand where you are right now in less than 2 hours I will be 13 weeks, and now is about the right time for the placenta to start traveling up, but last night before I left work I went to the restroom and found cm streaked with blood when I wiped and of course I went into total panic mode, even though there was nothing in my underware, it had stopped before I went to bed, and this morning I had only 2 small brownish spots and now nothing, I still got up and called my ob as soon as her office opened. They were not worried, I had an appointment only 3 days before and babys heart rate was perfect the dr said. There is nothing going on now, but im still sitting here fighting the feeling that the other shoe is about to drop! I think it is normal we already love these little people so much we cant stand the thought that ANYTHING might happen to them, I am trying to keep positive thoughts, and will keep one for you to.

Re: I need reassurance

Positive thoughts for you and baby!

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Re: I need reassurance

Just wanted to add some support and reassurance. I'm my moms fourth birth and I was born totally healthy. In fact, I was an unassisted home birth with just my dad there and my siblings up in bed. I was also the biggest of my moms babies! There's no reason your # 4 isn't going to be perfect!

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Re: I need reassurance

Oh my, I really hope this is not my biggest baby!  My first was 10 pounds, I'm on a modified diet to help keep Jose a little on the smaller side (worked with Tiny!  or maybe shes just naturally little).

I cannot tell you how much it means to come here and see all these supporting words.  Little man has been more active the last few days.  I still need to be sitting still, but when I do its more pronounced movement, which really helps.  Also  no more spotting.  And I do have a Doppler of my own, so have listened in a few times just to reassure myself.

I think part of the panic has to do with this being my last pregnancy, and if something happened to him, I would not try again.  But He's going to be PERFECT and so will I... of course now in the last 2 days my thinking has shifted to "what if I go into labour while Tim is at work?"  LOL which was my major concern with Tiny as well (worked out well, went into labour in the middle of the night, in the middle of his days off!)

http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt125c22.aspx

Need to update a ticker, Silas Anthony Jordon born Oct 11, 2013.  6th baby, so much love!