Topic: How do/did you know you were done?

I've been down this road of thought a million and one times.  I know it is SO individual, but how or when did you decide your family was complete?  I am so full, happy, content with my two and still wonder if maybe, just maybe...

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Re: How do/did you know you were done?

I don't know if I will ever get that "done" feeling.  But before Shiloh I stared at every baby and stroller and dreamed of having a child of my own to love.  I still adore babies but when I hold one, the longing to have or keep just isn't there.  I can enjoy other people's babies without feeling that pang of loss and want.  That's how I know that I'm done.

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Re: How do/did you know you were done?

In the past I couldn't imagine ever having that done feeling.  I always asked people how you know.  As soon as we had #4 I was DONEEEEEE.  LOL. I thought once we got settled and in a routine i might feel differently but no, I am done. 
I would love to surrogate for someone and give them that gift and i would love to be pregnant again.  But I have no desire to bring the baby home :-D

July 4, 2015
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4 (edited by sara291 2014-04-19 07:21:14)

Re: How do/did you know you were done?

I knew I was done with one when I was pregnant with my first and the day he rolled over I realized I wasn't done. I really wanted another but wasn't sure if it would happen or even was a good idea. I kept reading the quote

"In the end we only REGRET the chances we didn't TAKE."

Every time I read this I thought about my strong desire for another baby but I was extremely unsure if it was a good idea. I however never wanted to regret not having another later in life. I didn't want my years to pass by and wish I had had another. So I took the chance and it was truly one of the best choices I could have ever made! I was sure I was done at two given I knew two would be a lot for me and now even think of a third baby :-/ I do regret selling my vials but am not too upset with my choice since I do feel more complete with two and am not certain I'd ever actually have another. I do keep saying if I accidentally get married I will.

Re: How do/did you know you were done?

I know I'm not done with one.  People told me I migt change my mind after going through pregnancy and birth, but nope.  Now people tell me I may hange my mind once I get through the newborn stage and can srart sleeping more.  Nope.  I know I want 2 kids.

I have always just wanted 2.  I am an only, and I feel very strongly about not having an only, but I can't fathom having a big noisy family either.  It's just not for me.  So just the 2.

However, now that I think about how next year we'll be trying for/having #2 and it wil be the last time I'm pregnant and the last baby..I think maybe I want 3.  If we can move to a bigger place and can afford it, now 3 seems like a good number.  I just really, really like being pregnant and so far am loving being a mommy (even though there are feeding issues and I don't shower or leave the house for stretches of time and my relationship with my wife has changed in ways I never would have imagined).  I think after I have #2 I won't feel done.

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Re: How do/did you know you were done?

I always wanted 3 kids but as a SMBC I just don't
Know it that is an option - after my 1st son I tried as soon as he turned a year old but it took almost 2 years to conceive - I felt for sure if #2 was a girl I would be satisfied with just having 2 - found out he was a boy at 15 weeks and made the decision that 2 would HAVE to be it for me and up until ds 2 was 6 months old I sold most of his baby clothes and equipment .... Then my heart over took my brain and I realized I have this overwhelming desire to have 1 more , I feel the need to try just 1 more time for a girl , I would not be upset by any means if I ended up with a boy tho . But to do this I need to be in a relationship at least and have the support from a man and not just my mom , having just turned 35 , if I am not in a relationship in the next few years I will be ok with it just being me and my boys - I am Extremely blessed with having them;)

Re: How do/did you know you were done?

I swung wildly back and forth between one and done and an intermittent longing for another baby for 5 years. Right around Kate's 5th birthday (and a few months after my 41st) I realized it probably had to be now (or at least relatively soon) or never. I had my hormone levels checked, feebly looked into the whereabouts of my last vial and tried to envision us as a family of 3. Every thing I did, everywhere we went, every scenario of our current life I envisioned how it would be with another child. That really helped me to see just how content I was as the mother of an only child. I realize that part of me will always want another baby, but not another child. I mean newborns and infants are just so delicious smile. There was never a light bulb moment, like I said it was just thinking and envisioning it day in and day out that helped me see I was happy with our family of two.

In your case, I have to say - three kids is a lot!  It just feels like it is always something between Kate and the girls at work and they aren't even all mine!  Someone is always sick, hurt, has a day off of school, is in trouble, needs something out of the ordinary, has a school event, an activity, appointment and on and on. So many times these things conflict and the only reason so many balls don't get dropped is because a)it's my job to make sure they don't and b)there are essentially 4 adults between us all to be in many places at one time.  I don't know how a single parent, or even 2 parents does it with more than 2 kids!!!

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Re: How do/did you know you were done?

I love being a mom and it has always been my dream. However, with boy/girl twins I know I am done. Another thing for me is cost. I pay a private nanny and could not afford school for the twins and a full time nanny. Even if I won the lottery, I would not have another baby.

Re: How do/did you know you were done?

I know I am not done.  Today I started crying just thinking about no. 2. Although some days I think we should be one and done.

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TTC No. 2 since Aug. 2014; IVF #1 - Cxld; IVF #2 - BFN

Re: How do/did you know you were done?

When I was outnumbered!

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Re: How do/did you know you were done?

I don't feel done, but luckily I use my brain instead of my heart for decisions like this one. Kids are freaking expensive. As a single mom, three is more than enough...and honestly, sometimes does feel like too much. I always wanted four or five and when M was a baby I mourned not being able to try again. As he has aged, I feel better about stopping at three, but that feeling of 'done' has never hit me.

As it turns out, I may get my four or five as I am in a serious relationship with someone who has two kids. We've talked some about more, but he's pretty set on being done. I could very easily be convinced to have another wink but I don't think it's in the cards, but like I said, as time goes by, I am more and more at peace with the decision to stop.

Jamie
Mommy to Twins plus One - donor 733
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12

Re: How do/did you know you were done?

Once I realized that my desire for another child was as much about having a "normal" pregnancy, birth, and chance at breastfeeding as adding another family member, I let it go. I will not have those things, but I had something that only very few people will ever get to experience, and it's equally beautiful. Also, my relationship ended just before the babies were a year old and I knew it would be too difficult to have 4 kids as a single parent on a teaching salary. But now I'm head over heels in love with a woman who also has 3 kids, and we've talked about adding one more through her body. So, I always wanted three but would love nothing more than to end up with...SEVEN?!

I still know that I personally am done. It took a while to decide to make that final by selling my extra vials, but I know I will not carry another child now.

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13 (edited by Zen 2014-04-21 09:26:09)

Re: How do/did you know you were done?

Shanny wrote:

I don't know how a single parent, or even 2 parents does it with more than 2 kids!!!

Ironically, it's not that hard!  I had one and then took guardianship of two older ones so my knowledge of ease reflects a progression to a point that most here are still journeying towards.  The first year was difficult because I didn't feel comfortable leaving the older ones alone unsupervised.  At this point the olders are 15 and 12 and I have someone home after school from 4pm-7pm four days a week.  Fridays they fend for themselves for a few hours.  With Shiloh having turned 5, potty trained, and verbal, I can leave her with her siblings for periods of time on the weekends too.  There are still things to balance and juggle, but most of the time things just work themselves out!

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Re: How do/did you know you were done?

I definitely struggle with this. I'm forgainst #3! My immediate reaction is no, but I've got kind of a yessy aftertaste.  tongue

There's no doubt in my mind that if we won the lottery and could hire a nanny to see us through until the last one started kindergarten, I'd love to have one more. However, I presently feel very done! Our two boys keep us VERY busy right now. I know that it won't always be this challenging as the boys get older and more independent, so I cannot imagine making the decision to sell our remaining vials right now. DP is 110% done, but she's ok with holding onto our vials for a few years so we don't end up having any regrets.
I cannot envision our family with another child, but I haven't dismissed the remote possibility of it happening one day either. We've discussed possibly fostering to adopt, but again....we're so busy with the two we have, that it just isn't in the cards right now.

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Re: How do/did you know you were done?

I want another one so bad! However I do not want a huge gap between my kids and right now I am NOT financially able to have another.  So right now I am doing everything in my power to rectify my financial situation and see what the fall brings.

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Re: How do/did you know you were done?

palegreen wrote:

I'm forgainst #3! My immediate reaction is no, but I've got kind of a yessy aftertaste.  tongue

Can I just say that I loved your description here?  Haha! smile

Well, we were toying with the idea of #3 until I had to use every last damn vial of our donor to finally get pregnant.  If he magically reappears, we'll consider it; if not, we'll be okay with our two.  Besides, I'm not sure we could con our families into caring for three kids, you know?

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Re: How do/did you know you were done?

I'm not sure how I know we're done - it just feels right to both of us. I love the thought of another baby... But the idea of having three children feels wrong for our family. I have two siblings, so I know it can be done - I just don't think it's for us, and I'm totally fine with that. We are 37 and 38 - maybe if we would have started younger we'd have more kids, but I honestly don't think so. I always wanted two kids and I feel like our family is complete.

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Re: How do/did you know you were done?

Oh man, how I wish I could talk DP into just one more!  On some level though I feel like I really want another baby, not necessarily another child, if that makes sense.  Besides that, I kinda want a do-over because my pregnancy with my son was so rotten.  Man, would I love one more chance.  Sigh.  We are relocating to Oregon in the fall and DP promised me a re-eval once we get settled so I guess we'll see...

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Re: How do/did you know you were done?

My partner would love a fourth child. Me I could totally but we only have one vial and he is a retired donor. I don't want to get my hopes up about another child and then it doesn't happen on our one vial. Our daughter is about to be 4 and our twin boys are now 15 months. I'm also afraid IF we did have another that we would have multiples again and I'm so not up for that again. Plus my partner and I are both one of three children so it feels right to have 3. It was meant to be!

Re: How do/did you know you were done?

For now im done. I dont know what the very far future hold but as of now im done. I do sometimes want to be preggo again but. I just love the thought.

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Re: How do/did you know you were done?

I thought for sure I wanted two and I would love to have a playmate for S. However, and I can hardly believe it, but I'm considering being one and done! I have a vial arriving in a couple days, so I'm definitely trying to conceive this month. Then I'm going to reevaluate. I really want to foster parent some day and I would be open to foster to adopt if the right child came long. Therefore the doors wouldn't be completely closed to more children; there are other options.

My daughter would be the perfect only child. I'm nervous about not enjoying parenting and life as much if I have another child. I am having such a good time, I really don't want the complaints that I hear so often and I don't want to be overwhelmed too often either. Also, I don't want to be pregnant again and I don't need the baby stage (I feel really bad about the baby crying getting in the carseat and and when I can't get to her quick enough, I'm preferring a breastfeeding toddler at this point.) Breastfeeding is a motivating factor, but I have the feeling S is going to go a good while longer. I already have to take a day off work like once every other week, it seems, due to S being sick. The idea of taking more days off is stressful. Ultimately, I really want S to have a sibling. I just don't relish the work and stress it's going to take. So, I'm keeping an open mind to being one and done. Maybe I will get pregnant this month and that will settle it!

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