Topic: Fear and anxiety about miscarriage in early pregnancy
I work in a medical clinic, and have had the pleasure of seeing many healthy pregnancies - and also the heartbreak of miscarriage.
I feel beyond blessed (shocked, even) to have a confirmed pregnancy. I tested positive with an HCG beta at 174 13 dpo, with a second beta of 1208 at 17 dpo, with progesterone at 92.
I may very well be at the beginning of a very healthy pregnancy, but my mind and my fears will not shut off. I am on this journey as a single mother by choice, with a robust community of friends supporting me. But the journey to get here... well that was a long and hard journey, and this pregnancy (I'm 39) has been anticipated for decades.
Now that I'm so close...I feel hyper-aware of everything happening in my body - which provides validation when I feel "typical" pregnancy symptoms, and also extreme anxiety when I perceive a change in symptoms, or that symptoms are lessening.
I am only 4 weeks and 4 days along, so there is not much I can monitor. I am taking vaginal progesterone suppositories because they are a very cheap "insurance plan" to make sure some of the causes of possible miscarriage are prevented. This comes, however, with the difficulty that because I'm supplementing progesterone, I may be blocking the normal signs that something is not progressing or that I've miscarried, because it will prevent bleeding - and I find myself worrying that I would not know that I had miscarried for several weeks.
How are others managing fears and anxiety? I find that this is all I am thinking about all day long, and that cannot be healthy for me or baby! I am pretty dedicated to self-care practice, but even those tools have been coming up short...and my inner perfectionist/control queen just wants to OBSESS...and she will not quiet. This is causing quite a bit of insomnia. I don't think I've slept deeply since getting my BFP, and never more than about 2 hours at a time.
I would love to hear from others for mutual support.