Topic: Birth Story
Long. Sorry no pictures Im weird right now posting her pic on the internet...
Baby was due midOctober
Induction due to high BP
I have cerebral palsy and everyone was certain a csection was the way to go but we planned to try vaginally.
Basically my legs are constantly spasming, tight, painful and want to cross/turn inward.
Went in at 7:45 Wednesday evening at 1cm.
Cervidil for 12 hrs got me to a 3
Dr came in and broke my water. OMG it was painful.
Pitocin started a little later.
I went ahead and got an epidural as soon as possible afterwards because the contractions ramped up so quickly.
The epidural- I was terrified. Having CP meant spasms and a near phobia of a needle in the spine. But I did it. It was not near as bad as I read around about.
After it kicked it my body was amazed. Literally for the first time ever my body relaxed.
3 Hrs later I was at 4cm and 85% effacement
2 hrs after that I jumped to an 8
1 hr later I was 9.5
And hr after that it was time to push.
Having my legs in the stirrups was intense, insane, and painful. My hips want to roll IN, while the doctors and nurses were having me roll them out and away.
I pushed for an hr and a half.
At an hr in the epidural stopped working completely.
I screamed like a crazy person. I bawled I cannot do this.
But baby was engaged and coming. CSection was not an option.
My doc was amazing. I was so beyond in pain, exhaustion and done I was dissociative and floating out of my body.
She halted came over and held my face, grounding me. Baby was coming. That I could do this.
I pushed again 2-3x.
I screamed repeatedly for them to help me. My body was DONE. I could not push. My legs were giving out.
My doctor grounded me again. They could see her hair.
My body somehow literally took over. I had given up and my body pushed so hard, and just right.
The ring of fire. I screamed. They said I could see her head if I wanted. I didnt.
Then - As TMI as it sounds - it FELT just like having the biggest, hardest poop of your life.
I screamed and screamed and screamed and felt myself tear. And out she came.
The plopped her on my lap. I could hardly hold her. I was fried.
The doctor then had us cut the cord.
She delivered the after birth. It hurt some. Everything just stung and was irrtated and I wanted off the birthing merry go round of hell for a moment. But no. She said when the placenta came out Id feel relief. She didn’t lie!! As soon as it delivered I sighed. For whatever reason it felt AMAZING.
I needed stitches. I cried. Please please just stop touching me!!!
I kept looking at baby. But I couldnt hold her yet for emotional reasons. I felt dead. Drained. Done.
After stitches I held her and felt disconnected still. I felt so guilty. I needed someone to take her. Please. So my 2 support people did.
Once I settled I snatched her back and fell in love.
I cried and bawled that I was sorey for falling out. So so sorry for screaming. I felt so embarrassed.
Everyone was just amazed I delivered her vaginally. So was I.
She was born 8lb and 20 inches. At 3 weeks early!! HUGE
Recovery is awful. The delivery was traumatizing. Still feeling those effects.
At home ICI January 2018 - BFP at 10dpo
Baby girl born September 2018